We think it’s about time the paddling world heard from two middle age blokes who paddle in the UK in freezing conditions! None of this Californian, Africa, or Nile type nonsense. No 60 foot mega water falls or 60 million cumec rivers, just two normal blokes, running a UK classic. Be honest that’s what we readers want to read about, things that are within the grasp of us normal people, albeit with a bit of practice, fuel and sizable lunch box (big balls at least).
That’s us, two normal paddlers Darren ‘Kitmonster’ Sutton and Martin ‘Hobbit’ Harrall (short with hairy toes), were two normal paddlers fed up of hearing about mega trips that are out of our grasp, fed up of sponsored paddlers, free flights and posh 4x4’s.
Making things worse was closer to home it was happening! Simon ‘Bevis’, Ross ‘Butthead’ and Michael the Horse (don’t ask) were banging on about their forthcoming trip to Scotland, over and over, the Etive this, right angle falls that blah di blah!.
It was after another cold winter’s night packing up after the pool session, we decided we needed a plan, one that did not involve flights, 4x4’s, porters and most importantly those difficult conversations at home about paddling again!
Thing is we only had one day and that was Sunday, we knew the lads would still be away giving us the opportunity of a couple of honour badges, but we needed a river that was at the right level, technical, pretty steep and very cool.
A plan emerged, the mighty River Lyn – Watersmeet to the Sea, This river is one of two channels which drops steeply from Exmoor into the Bristol Channel at Lynmouth. This is a grade 4 normally, 5 in higher levels. Grade 6 in really high levels! (Experts that are mad only).
In two miles it drops over 100 metres, passing between and over some pretty impressive boulders and natural drops. Not a river for the faint-hearted. This river has many opportunities for serious problems through pinning, stoppers and frequent tree obstacles.
That was all we needed, oh and we knew it would wind the lads up big time. Sunday came we met at 8am greeted by a barmy -7 degrees!!! What were we doing? We knew the river would be low and the only back up was the Barle, a great river but not one that would win us any honour badges. We needed it to be running.
Two hours later we pulled into the parking area on river left in Lymouth to check the level. It’s fair to say it was a slight scrape either side of the island and according to all the guide books that meant that it would be grade 4ish in the gorge. Whilst this river does not have a very high flow its technical difficulty and gradient make up for it and make it a formidable river, not one to be underestimated. The levels are crucial in determining what you shoot and what you portage. This river is 'flashy' and getting the level right is not easy.
As this stretch is only 2 miles long and we had one car we drove up to the get in and locked up the boats next to a tree. We then drove back to the car park and got kitted up. You could smell the nerves; Martin had run this before but not for a while and I had only read about it.
After kitting up we walked the two miles to the get in, this was a great opportunity to inspect. This was a bizarre situation the normally steely nerved Martin was nervous and I was fine? It concerned me slightly; I thought there must have been something wrong with me? It was my job to be the nervous one? No problem though as soon as we entered the Gorge my nerves cut in, it looked crazy, the lines were left, right, left again boof etc, what lines? I returned to my old self asking ‘Why am I here’, ‘can we do the Barle’, ‘my back hurts’, ‘I forgot a ticket on the car’ etc etc. Even after allowing for ‘shrinkavision™’ I wanted my mum!
We put on at Watersmeet and paddled down to the first real rapid a drop of about 4 feet, this rapid is a nice drop but where a strong cross-current pushes most of the water, boats, people etc into a rock face on the right. No issues here.
We carried on as the river carries on fairly innocently under a large arched bridge and turns to the left where you run a small drop no worries, 300 yards further is a house on the left with around a 3 foot drop which we ran on the right this is followed by a fast, narrow stretch. This was great fun.
We carried on to a small gravely 'beach' on the left which is a great point to inspect the very technical section from here to the next bridge. There is a 4 foot vertical drop about 100 yds upstream of the bridge and fantastically another group had set up rescue and we were able to watch the probes test the rapid and find a line, of course we allowed them to cover us (thanks) whilst we ran it, we were both through with no issues.
Once at the second bridge, Blackpool Bridge you are at the start of the very serious gorge section! The smell of fear returned!
Our tactic was simple, read and run as long as we had line of sight, as soon as the horizon disappeared or were unsure we inspected. Once we entered the Gorge this was almost every rapid we came to, at a low level between each rapid is a pool just large enough to scoop up gear and people etc. These pools are also excellent for inspecting and with a path either side of the river ideal.
The first drop in the gorge is a narrow slot which goes from right to left between rocks, closely followed by a 3 foot shoot. This is me, if you look closely you will see that the rapid drove me into the rock and the stern is already in the flow, what happened next was another new line, me backwards and upside down, first time role and Martins turn to have a go, again he makes it look easy!
This is where the first 'crux' rapid begins with a two metre vertical drop which we ran on the right, then followed by a chute past an under-cut left bank leading straight over a 7 foot vertical drop with a very shallow base, particularly on river right. Not an easy one to do with style, rarely though I made it look easy and Martin made it look …… interesting.
A father and daughter that followed us made it even more interesting after he critiqued my boof in a you didn’t wanna do it like that style he bombed big time rolled in the pool and took a swim (Ok I did laugh out loud sorry, I am human). Martin and I both had both recently completed the white water safety and rescue course and could now see an opportunity to practice!! (Sorry to you both, but we need some safe practice).
Next thing Dad swims to the side and the daughter is trying to chase boat the upturned creeker but to no avail, we shout for her to leave it, interestingly it drops over the next rapid into a very sticky and horrible vertical pin. Nasty! This was unnerving as Martin and I had planned on running this one.
We helped them unpin the boat (nice practice) always nice to have other people’s kit to break, I mean recover safely. Oh we walked this rapid, were not lemmings!!!
The next 100 yards is littered by lots of large drops, huge boulders and rock slides galore. ‘Are we having fun yet?’
Not far from here is the last rapid of the serious gorge section the second 'crux' follows. First the river funnels towards a narrow channel to the left before cascading over a 6 foot vertical drop into a pool this is normally a nasty stopper, I ran this backwards, upright and did not see or feel one (thankfully). I would say this was a new line but you only have to look on any of the webb sites to see this rapid is notorious for a backward line ands normally a hammering in the stopper at the bottom.
This marks the end of the serious section, but the final stretch still has plenty of interest. A bit of rock dodging and pin ball followed on the last stretch to the car park. Bizarrely the most evil rapid and potentially most serious event happened on a rapid just outside of the gorge. A rapid that in the past has led to the emergency services being called to extract people that have been pinned.
Just as you relax this rapid can catch you out (just like some of my ex girl friends!) for me, I missed my line, what happened next was some frantic paddling and a place I rather had not gone. Sat pinned upstream on top of a rather nasty looking log. I was trying to avoid capsizing on the upstream of it. I knew I needed to get to the down stream side to avoid a potentially very serious situation.
So what did we do, I did nothing till Martin had moved next to me, from this point we could plan. Using a paddle for support we were able to move the boat backwards in the current at the same time as moving to the down steam side, once this was achieved I ran the next rapid one handed and somehow managed a one handed paddle role. A massive sigh of relief.
Soon we were at the car park, buzzing, tired and on top of the world!!! Two mile walk in, two miles paddle down, over 100 metres in height taking over three hours, knackered!
As soon as we had mobile signal we called Simon, Ross and Michael. It went like this:
‘Hi’
‘Hi how are you’
‘Fine I am with Martin on our way home’
‘Home, from where?’
‘Exmoor, Lynmouth?
‘You ran the Lyn? You jammy *******!!!!!’
Editors Note: We appreciate we broke some basic rules like, ‘less than three should never be’. In our defence we have paddled together for years, know each others limits (or mine). Have training in rescue skills and first aid all this year. We also had other groups within line of sight etc. We do not recommend you run the Lyn or any river as a two, or without proper training, experience, level etc. Use your head and do your own risk assessment.
Tuesday, 25 March 2008
Water a plenty on the Tawe- Feb 2007
After a week of snow, blizzards and no rain we had totally annoyed all our families and puzzled most of our friends by moaning about the lack of rain. The River Gods in typical and true River God fashion repaid our stupidity by dumping gazillions of gallons of rain on the slowly thawing snow; this was all done on Saturday night in exactly 12 minutes.
When Darren left home to collect the Inner Circle it was dark, very very wet and had the sense of impending doom, just the normal pre paddling nerves then for Darren.
At Ross’s (Beavis’s) house Darren found Martin (Hobbit) already there having ridden his small pony with boat and paddle all the way from Semington’s Ville (or whatever its called). Darren and Martin continued to do all the work loading and packing the car, this is completely normal because Ross (Beavis) and Simon (Butthead) don’t ever help probably due to the fact that they are lazy sods and assume that just because they are famous they don’t have to do any work.
At this stage you are probably wandering where Beavis and Butthead came from, well first an apology to Simon, its not personal Ross could have been Butthead its jut the way it is so get over it! Anyway remember Beavis and Butthead long hair, sitting longingly looking into each others eyes and laughing weirdly at each others jokes, you know its true they sit in the back of the people carrier:
Beavis ‘ah ha’
Butthead ‘for sure’
Beavis ‘like ya ha’
Butthead ‘grrrr ya’
Both ‘hahahahahahah grrrrr’
Etc etc
So back to Darren and Martin doing all the work as usual after several calls, door bell knocking, ringing of bells, stone throwing and three 30 kiloton thermonuclear bombs Ross and Simon finally immerged from Ross’s house, asking why know one had tried to get them out???
Before I go on I just want to put things into perspective, as paddlers we are the Inner Circle (New) for 2006/2007 White-water Season, a small but distinguished group of hard core paddlers who at the beginning of 2006 would have aspired to run the Dart Loop. After all the paddling that’s been done this season the Loop has been demoted to the new Symonds Yat. In fact we don’t even stop and play on the loop we just run it!! We are even turning away people outside the Circle. Where will we go from here Grade 5? The Alps?
The car was now loaded with all the kit and sat creaking under the weight; this was mostly caused by Martins lunch box made up of bird food and Squirrel sandwiches which were made with Elvin bread, a mighty Hobbit feast.
The drive up to Michael’s (Rug Rat) flat at Plas Pencelli was full of the normal banter, Darren trying to establish how close he would come to dying again, Simon under normal circumstances would do this instead of Darren, but as he had already run this river was enjoying trying to worry Darren (Thanks).
When I say normal banter it would also be fair to say we had a bizarre conversation about whether Michael would be paddling or not, it transpires that when Emily says no she actually means yes, but actually does not want Michael to paddle and wants him to stay with her. If he then paddles because she has said yes she then pulls a hissy fit because he should have known that yes actually means no? Confused? Me too it would also appear that the phone Martin calls Michael on does not exist and that’s why Martin never gets a call back?
Moving on as we drive in we were all very very very surprised to see the Usk river, and all its tributaries and hundreds of mountain streams running deep brick red hue and out of the banks regardless of how steep they were, at Crickhowel bridge the normal Usk get out the Bridge had a huge wave behind it. The mood had already changed all busy pretending not to be nervous. Martin searching for plans A,B,C and D with three possible E’s.
On arriving at Pencelli to pick up Michael we were all surprised to find that the place where he lived had been ransacked over night leaving it in a terrible state some might say 'tip like'. In fact the robbers felt so sorry for them they deposited nice mountain bikes, skis and kayaks randomly all over the place, very handy.
Being at Michaels was a strange experience, a cave man emerged from a door on the left filled a bowl full of maggots then took it outside to force feed a screaming cat which was large enough not to fit through doors any more (Guinness Book of records?). This cave man then went back to his cave after making strange sounds. Michael then emerged from his room dressed in a diaper and a baby grow, man this lot are weird. Darren escaped quickly back to his car locking the doors.
Finally five boats and enough kits to last us for months we were off to the Tawe get in which is above the pub at Glyntawe. We arrive and get kitted up. Darren had deviously negotiated with Martin to be the Shuttle Bunny on his extremely uncool bike. NOTE Darren was surprised but grateful Martin was so easy to convince it saved Darren pretending to be injured. Thanks.
Thankfully for the credibility of the group the bike was not needed as a group of paddlers from Nottingham arrived and they gave us a lift back from the get out. Unfortunately however Martin still wanted to show us a wheelie and some endos on his mum’s bike, this took fifteen minutes. Ross, Simon and Michael escaped silently whilst this was happening and were playing on the first weir.
Martin and Darren finally carried their boats to the river; Darren’s worryingly weighing in at 5 tons? Never did work why but might have been the lunch box, spare paddles, throw rope, rescue shelter, fridge, wide screen TV, entire back collection of Miami Vice and Sky Box including dish and remote control.
Down under the first bridge Darren taking a perfect left line scraping the rocks thinking this level won't be so bad Martin taking the right line. Both drop the first three foot ledge dropping through the wave then breaking out to play with everyone else.
Next follows an easy but fast grade two to three section mainly with small drops, and waves, a perfect warm up. Darren seemed to be the only person who noticed tributary after tributary joining the Tawe. This section is very difficult to break out of as the man made sides mean there are no eddies.
The next section soon beefs up to grade threes and fours with much chunkier rapids and haystacks all taken with no major issues. The first warning of any thing major soon comes as you approach the second bridge and a monster stopper. Next came a full on set of grade 4 after grade 4 rapid and drops, only when you look back do you realise just what you have paddled through. After this we all break out river left to inspect Pen Y Cae. We are well over a hundred yards short of it and out of our boats we follow the one with the hairy toes, Martin as he picks his way through the trees and wood land, you can smell the fear and hear the roar of the falls themselves.
The route required a fast ferry glide to river right, then a turn to drop down over a ledge next, another ledge with a narrow slot which had a slight lip, then a supper fast break out river right to avoid being dragged down the falls back wards on the wrong side which would definitely lead to a massive kicking (and probably much worse), we quickly set up three areas for good photos sorry I mean rescue points. However we all made sure we looked good and ensured we were not showing any fear! (Be honest you know it’s true).
Martin ran first, looking very Hobbit like and in control he ran well up to the lip and even though Darren had warned him he cocked up the slot and caught the lip with his right edge. The inevitable roll followed, seconds seemed like hours, all nervous that we would miss this fantastic kicking the Hobbit would take and more importantly we might miss the great footage we could send Jeremy Beadle. NOTE obviously that’s a joke and we were only worried about Martin and his boat, well mostly the boat.
Martin skilfully timed his roll, breaking out river right and looking as if he had just ran a grade two baby rapid, even though he had just skipped past a serious kicking. Meanwhile the rest of the Inner Circle was thinking what chance have we got if the hairy toed Hobbit rolled! Next up was Simon he made his line making it look easy, next Darren guided in by the Hobbit found his line and although nearly disappearing backwards due to posing for a photo made the breakout, Michael dived into the eddy followed closely behind by Ross.
All safely into the breakout point we finally took a look at the awesome Grade 4+ Pen Y Cae falls. A full on scary slide river right avoiding the worst of the stopper and being slammed into the wall, this then needed to be followed instantly by manic paddling river left to avoid be slammed into the wall river right by the current through the very narrow 3 foot slot, then dropping down into more ledge drops avoiding the stoppers!! No worries!! So we set up two camera points (this was a priority Darren was fed up of having no pictures), we also set up three rescue points all ready to save Ross should he need it.
Ross ran first and took an interesting line on his head, down the slide into the slot, ramming himself into the side and capsizing just as he starts to drop down over the ledge drops each time bouncing up as he hit rock with his head, some how he managed to narrowly miss all the stoppers, and very impressively he managed to roll up and break out! Great paddling! NOTE This was much to the groups surprise as we were at least expecting blood and possibly one knocked out Ross, incredibly he ran up smiling as ever asking if we had it on video and yes we do and yes everyone has now had it, it’s very funny, thanks.
Martin up next aced it sliding down paddling perfectly over, skimming dead centre through the slot then running down the drops over the rapids into a breakout point. Making it look very easy.
Darren is next down the slide, he hits the side of the slot but skilfully manages to avoid a capsize, and continues to skim down through the rock and drops down breaking out river left, with a huge grin, happy to be alive. Jedi power again carrying him through.
Michael followed Darren’s line and also narrowly avoided a swim, but also skilfully made it to break out.
Back in the boats the Inner Circle continue on for less than a hundred yards to the beginning of the main falls, out again we inspect and set up camera and rescue points although the rescue points were pointless because we would not have been able to get a boat in and the throw lines would never have reached, for some reason none of us discussed this?
The line on the falls was easy (to avoid death) ferry glide to river left, turn then pass under the little water fall which blinds you (thanks Martin for that), quickly between two rocks clinging to the cliffs, staying river left to avoid being pulled down the centre line and to certain doom, then paddle for 30 yards turn at right angles and paddle like a nutter, ker-plunk down you go.
Oh yes and whatever you do avoid the swim because there is a grade three rapid with half the river blocked by a huge tree that will strain you, no pressure! Everyone stepped up to the plate and made the falls, Simon being the master of this art, Ross for some reason running it side ways and the weight of Michaels baby grow and full nappy turning him on landing. The falls were awesome!
Next down a short grade three rapid hard over to river right past the tree to the gorge section, this starts with more grade four drops which lead into a long side ways slide where you need to try and avoid a nasty side ways stopper, next over a huge six foot haystack and on down the river punching through the stopper at the bottom, this was a fantastic section everyone doing there best to hit the haystacks full on, Ross even managed to 180 and back surf the stopper awesome (fluke you know it and so do I).
Next comes a narrow and fast gorge with some great haystacks the river now deceptively eases of, but round a bend comes an unexpected narrow ledge drop of a reasonable height, at the bottom sat a very large and side swiping stopper,
The Inner Circle merrily looking up at the gorge and cliffs one by one dropped down into the stopper first saw Simon roll followed closely by Martin, somehow Martin rolled up to find Michael in his armpit and facing backwards! Next Darren dropped in pulling off a very cool and skilful back deck role, which is amazing because he can’t do it (he then bored us with tales of how cool his roll was all the way back!), Ross followed Darren also capsizing. Michael was the only one who managed to survive and avoid the roll! No one knows how!! 4 out of 5 paddlers took a role in that stopper how cool is that???
All laughing and trying to work out what had happened to the group we paddled on down through some easier rapids. After this we had to break out above a weir which we portaged to avoid death (a simple choice), the huge tow back and deepness would have sent you to the Green Room for ever! As we were getting out here Ross and Michael hilariously threw snow on Simon and Darren (how they laughed).
After the weir there came a short grade 3 gorge followed by a bridge which had two huge stoppers just inside it, this caused Martin to stop dead in his tracks Michael soon joined him to spin around into Martin’s loving armpits once again. Everyone else managed to punch through with no issues.
Soon we were at the get out carefully chosen by Martin for its inaccessibility and likely hood of dying and loosing our kit, a near vertical wet mud slope onto a main road full of Welsh Boy Racers in Impreza Turbo’s. Nice one.
Darren collected the car and everyone got changed apart from Michael who was still weirdly wearing his baby suit and nappy, no wander Emily went home, she escaped!
We all jumped back into the car, Darren fired up the engine and drove off the bridge into the road the weight of Martins lunch box and Michael’s nappy causing us to bottom out and ripping off most of the back end of the car.
Never mind, we were off to scout a section of Grade 5, all high on Hobbit dust and survival, we all were planning our lines and drops, how we would run huge water falls we call it dreaming! NOTE No trip should be planned after a trip only when you get home and sanity and reality sets in.
Dropping Michael off he was pleased to see a note from his boss offering him praise on all the good work he had been doing lately and how soon him and Cave Man may soon be doing a different role.
We screamed back across the bridge to avoid Michael showing us pictures of other men in Baby Grows and Darren dropped everyone but not Wilf off at Ross’s house.
An Epic trip
Kayakerdad
When Darren left home to collect the Inner Circle it was dark, very very wet and had the sense of impending doom, just the normal pre paddling nerves then for Darren.
At Ross’s (Beavis’s) house Darren found Martin (Hobbit) already there having ridden his small pony with boat and paddle all the way from Semington’s Ville (or whatever its called). Darren and Martin continued to do all the work loading and packing the car, this is completely normal because Ross (Beavis) and Simon (Butthead) don’t ever help probably due to the fact that they are lazy sods and assume that just because they are famous they don’t have to do any work.
At this stage you are probably wandering where Beavis and Butthead came from, well first an apology to Simon, its not personal Ross could have been Butthead its jut the way it is so get over it! Anyway remember Beavis and Butthead long hair, sitting longingly looking into each others eyes and laughing weirdly at each others jokes, you know its true they sit in the back of the people carrier:
Beavis ‘ah ha’
Butthead ‘for sure’
Beavis ‘like ya ha’
Butthead ‘grrrr ya’
Both ‘hahahahahahah grrrrr’
Etc etc
So back to Darren and Martin doing all the work as usual after several calls, door bell knocking, ringing of bells, stone throwing and three 30 kiloton thermonuclear bombs Ross and Simon finally immerged from Ross’s house, asking why know one had tried to get them out???
Before I go on I just want to put things into perspective, as paddlers we are the Inner Circle (New) for 2006/2007 White-water Season, a small but distinguished group of hard core paddlers who at the beginning of 2006 would have aspired to run the Dart Loop. After all the paddling that’s been done this season the Loop has been demoted to the new Symonds Yat. In fact we don’t even stop and play on the loop we just run it!! We are even turning away people outside the Circle. Where will we go from here Grade 5? The Alps?
The car was now loaded with all the kit and sat creaking under the weight; this was mostly caused by Martins lunch box made up of bird food and Squirrel sandwiches which were made with Elvin bread, a mighty Hobbit feast.
The drive up to Michael’s (Rug Rat) flat at Plas Pencelli was full of the normal banter, Darren trying to establish how close he would come to dying again, Simon under normal circumstances would do this instead of Darren, but as he had already run this river was enjoying trying to worry Darren (Thanks).
When I say normal banter it would also be fair to say we had a bizarre conversation about whether Michael would be paddling or not, it transpires that when Emily says no she actually means yes, but actually does not want Michael to paddle and wants him to stay with her. If he then paddles because she has said yes she then pulls a hissy fit because he should have known that yes actually means no? Confused? Me too it would also appear that the phone Martin calls Michael on does not exist and that’s why Martin never gets a call back?
Moving on as we drive in we were all very very very surprised to see the Usk river, and all its tributaries and hundreds of mountain streams running deep brick red hue and out of the banks regardless of how steep they were, at Crickhowel bridge the normal Usk get out the Bridge had a huge wave behind it. The mood had already changed all busy pretending not to be nervous. Martin searching for plans A,B,C and D with three possible E’s.
On arriving at Pencelli to pick up Michael we were all surprised to find that the place where he lived had been ransacked over night leaving it in a terrible state some might say 'tip like'. In fact the robbers felt so sorry for them they deposited nice mountain bikes, skis and kayaks randomly all over the place, very handy.
Being at Michaels was a strange experience, a cave man emerged from a door on the left filled a bowl full of maggots then took it outside to force feed a screaming cat which was large enough not to fit through doors any more (Guinness Book of records?). This cave man then went back to his cave after making strange sounds. Michael then emerged from his room dressed in a diaper and a baby grow, man this lot are weird. Darren escaped quickly back to his car locking the doors.
Finally five boats and enough kits to last us for months we were off to the Tawe get in which is above the pub at Glyntawe. We arrive and get kitted up. Darren had deviously negotiated with Martin to be the Shuttle Bunny on his extremely uncool bike. NOTE Darren was surprised but grateful Martin was so easy to convince it saved Darren pretending to be injured. Thanks.
Thankfully for the credibility of the group the bike was not needed as a group of paddlers from Nottingham arrived and they gave us a lift back from the get out. Unfortunately however Martin still wanted to show us a wheelie and some endos on his mum’s bike, this took fifteen minutes. Ross, Simon and Michael escaped silently whilst this was happening and were playing on the first weir.
Martin and Darren finally carried their boats to the river; Darren’s worryingly weighing in at 5 tons? Never did work why but might have been the lunch box, spare paddles, throw rope, rescue shelter, fridge, wide screen TV, entire back collection of Miami Vice and Sky Box including dish and remote control.
Down under the first bridge Darren taking a perfect left line scraping the rocks thinking this level won't be so bad Martin taking the right line. Both drop the first three foot ledge dropping through the wave then breaking out to play with everyone else.
Next follows an easy but fast grade two to three section mainly with small drops, and waves, a perfect warm up. Darren seemed to be the only person who noticed tributary after tributary joining the Tawe. This section is very difficult to break out of as the man made sides mean there are no eddies.
The next section soon beefs up to grade threes and fours with much chunkier rapids and haystacks all taken with no major issues. The first warning of any thing major soon comes as you approach the second bridge and a monster stopper. Next came a full on set of grade 4 after grade 4 rapid and drops, only when you look back do you realise just what you have paddled through. After this we all break out river left to inspect Pen Y Cae. We are well over a hundred yards short of it and out of our boats we follow the one with the hairy toes, Martin as he picks his way through the trees and wood land, you can smell the fear and hear the roar of the falls themselves.
The route required a fast ferry glide to river right, then a turn to drop down over a ledge next, another ledge with a narrow slot which had a slight lip, then a supper fast break out river right to avoid being dragged down the falls back wards on the wrong side which would definitely lead to a massive kicking (and probably much worse), we quickly set up three areas for good photos sorry I mean rescue points. However we all made sure we looked good and ensured we were not showing any fear! (Be honest you know it’s true).
Martin ran first, looking very Hobbit like and in control he ran well up to the lip and even though Darren had warned him he cocked up the slot and caught the lip with his right edge. The inevitable roll followed, seconds seemed like hours, all nervous that we would miss this fantastic kicking the Hobbit would take and more importantly we might miss the great footage we could send Jeremy Beadle. NOTE obviously that’s a joke and we were only worried about Martin and his boat, well mostly the boat.
Martin skilfully timed his roll, breaking out river right and looking as if he had just ran a grade two baby rapid, even though he had just skipped past a serious kicking. Meanwhile the rest of the Inner Circle was thinking what chance have we got if the hairy toed Hobbit rolled! Next up was Simon he made his line making it look easy, next Darren guided in by the Hobbit found his line and although nearly disappearing backwards due to posing for a photo made the breakout, Michael dived into the eddy followed closely behind by Ross.
All safely into the breakout point we finally took a look at the awesome Grade 4+ Pen Y Cae falls. A full on scary slide river right avoiding the worst of the stopper and being slammed into the wall, this then needed to be followed instantly by manic paddling river left to avoid be slammed into the wall river right by the current through the very narrow 3 foot slot, then dropping down into more ledge drops avoiding the stoppers!! No worries!! So we set up two camera points (this was a priority Darren was fed up of having no pictures), we also set up three rescue points all ready to save Ross should he need it.
Ross ran first and took an interesting line on his head, down the slide into the slot, ramming himself into the side and capsizing just as he starts to drop down over the ledge drops each time bouncing up as he hit rock with his head, some how he managed to narrowly miss all the stoppers, and very impressively he managed to roll up and break out! Great paddling! NOTE This was much to the groups surprise as we were at least expecting blood and possibly one knocked out Ross, incredibly he ran up smiling as ever asking if we had it on video and yes we do and yes everyone has now had it, it’s very funny, thanks.
Martin up next aced it sliding down paddling perfectly over, skimming dead centre through the slot then running down the drops over the rapids into a breakout point. Making it look very easy.
Darren is next down the slide, he hits the side of the slot but skilfully manages to avoid a capsize, and continues to skim down through the rock and drops down breaking out river left, with a huge grin, happy to be alive. Jedi power again carrying him through.
Michael followed Darren’s line and also narrowly avoided a swim, but also skilfully made it to break out.
Back in the boats the Inner Circle continue on for less than a hundred yards to the beginning of the main falls, out again we inspect and set up camera and rescue points although the rescue points were pointless because we would not have been able to get a boat in and the throw lines would never have reached, for some reason none of us discussed this?
The line on the falls was easy (to avoid death) ferry glide to river left, turn then pass under the little water fall which blinds you (thanks Martin for that), quickly between two rocks clinging to the cliffs, staying river left to avoid being pulled down the centre line and to certain doom, then paddle for 30 yards turn at right angles and paddle like a nutter, ker-plunk down you go.
Oh yes and whatever you do avoid the swim because there is a grade three rapid with half the river blocked by a huge tree that will strain you, no pressure! Everyone stepped up to the plate and made the falls, Simon being the master of this art, Ross for some reason running it side ways and the weight of Michaels baby grow and full nappy turning him on landing. The falls were awesome!
Next down a short grade three rapid hard over to river right past the tree to the gorge section, this starts with more grade four drops which lead into a long side ways slide where you need to try and avoid a nasty side ways stopper, next over a huge six foot haystack and on down the river punching through the stopper at the bottom, this was a fantastic section everyone doing there best to hit the haystacks full on, Ross even managed to 180 and back surf the stopper awesome (fluke you know it and so do I).
Next comes a narrow and fast gorge with some great haystacks the river now deceptively eases of, but round a bend comes an unexpected narrow ledge drop of a reasonable height, at the bottom sat a very large and side swiping stopper,
The Inner Circle merrily looking up at the gorge and cliffs one by one dropped down into the stopper first saw Simon roll followed closely by Martin, somehow Martin rolled up to find Michael in his armpit and facing backwards! Next Darren dropped in pulling off a very cool and skilful back deck role, which is amazing because he can’t do it (he then bored us with tales of how cool his roll was all the way back!), Ross followed Darren also capsizing. Michael was the only one who managed to survive and avoid the roll! No one knows how!! 4 out of 5 paddlers took a role in that stopper how cool is that???
All laughing and trying to work out what had happened to the group we paddled on down through some easier rapids. After this we had to break out above a weir which we portaged to avoid death (a simple choice), the huge tow back and deepness would have sent you to the Green Room for ever! As we were getting out here Ross and Michael hilariously threw snow on Simon and Darren (how they laughed).
After the weir there came a short grade 3 gorge followed by a bridge which had two huge stoppers just inside it, this caused Martin to stop dead in his tracks Michael soon joined him to spin around into Martin’s loving armpits once again. Everyone else managed to punch through with no issues.
Soon we were at the get out carefully chosen by Martin for its inaccessibility and likely hood of dying and loosing our kit, a near vertical wet mud slope onto a main road full of Welsh Boy Racers in Impreza Turbo’s. Nice one.
Darren collected the car and everyone got changed apart from Michael who was still weirdly wearing his baby suit and nappy, no wander Emily went home, she escaped!
We all jumped back into the car, Darren fired up the engine and drove off the bridge into the road the weight of Martins lunch box and Michael’s nappy causing us to bottom out and ripping off most of the back end of the car.
Never mind, we were off to scout a section of Grade 5, all high on Hobbit dust and survival, we all were planning our lines and drops, how we would run huge water falls we call it dreaming! NOTE No trip should be planned after a trip only when you get home and sanity and reality sets in.
Dropping Michael off he was pleased to see a note from his boss offering him praise on all the good work he had been doing lately and how soon him and Cave Man may soon be doing a different role.
We screamed back across the bridge to avoid Michael showing us pictures of other men in Baby Grows and Darren dropped everyone but not Wilf off at Ross’s house.
An Epic trip
Kayakerdad
Upper Dart/Loop- Jan 2007
We initially planned to have Martin cycle the shuttle on his mums fold up bike, but luckily we met Wilf at the start of the trip. His friends had been out drinking the night before and weren’t quite up to the trip. He joined us meaning we had two cars for the shuttle. Lovely how the paddling community works! Many thanks to Wilf for this.
We parked next to what was basically a stream, Darren then asked, quite sincerely, “Are they like what the boulder gardens are like.” Looking at the rocks dotting the stream. This was followed by laughter and Martins explanation that the gardens may be slightly bigger than that. Darren subsequently ran off for yet another nervous wee making the tally a total 4 within the space of 15minutes! (Darren adds I drink a lot of water)
The trip started with some grade 2 boulder gardens giving us a nice idea of what was to be expected. After completing the first two rapids Simon asked Martin if the rapids got any harder than that, to which he said, yes they did get quite a bit harder. At this point Simon's bottom lip started to quiver a bit, and I’m sure that the water that he emptied from his boat later on had a sort of yellow shade to it. In fact Simon kept asking Martin "Does it get any harder than that?" or "Are we past the worst bit?" etc. most of the way down. Darren was also often asking Martin what names each of the rapids had; he was most disappointed to learn that they weren't called "ball-cruncher" or "Satan's bottom" and in fact didn't have names at all.
The gardens then picked up to grade 3-4 demanding some technical paddling. These offered some definite pinning opportunities for the unwary but thanks to some expert leading from Martin everyone took these very well with no swims or rolls.
Following the boulder gardens there were a series of ledge drops of ascending difficulty (grade 2 – 3+/4-) known as the “Mad Mile”. These were taken well by most but Ross took his first roll on one of the later drops after ploughing into a hole, hitting the bottom and getting flipped out. Darren also took his first roll on one of the falls, impressively back-looping out of a hole.
Next up was the notorious “Euthanasia falls”, a large grade four shoot though a rocky channel. This put doubt in all the group’s minds causing Darren and Simon to cut their losses and portage. However Martin, having not shot the falls out of all 12 visits to this river eventually decided the time had come to face his demons. Ross also decided not to miss the chute as did Wilf. All three shot the fall successfully as Darren took pictures from above and Simon applauded begrudgingly as he wondered whether the portage was in fact the right idea.
The next major fall was the grade 4 “Surprise-Surprise”/”Pandora’s Box” rapid and fall. After inspection by everyone the narrow slot was deemed to be safe and although it was a tight squeeze Ross, Simon and Wilf made it with no problems. Martin took a dunk at the bottom but barely managed a roll followed by a sculling recovery. Unfortunately this was not caught on film. Mr Harrall has since issued a statement: “If my allegedly poor roll and sculling recovery wasn't caught on film then it couldn't have happened. The fact that you two have chosen to write this down is obviously slander and you will of course be hearing from my lawyers.” We are therefore forced to withdraw and revise our previous statement; “Martin’s roll was in fact flawless and was executed with unmatched precision and prowess.”
Darren however was not so lucky and after missing the line hit a ledge flipping him and sending him down the fall in what looked like a face-grating slide. His paddles were pulled from his hands and a swim at the bottom proceeded. The group rushed over expecting see half his face missing but to everyone’s disappointment the only damage was a small bruise on his thumb! An impressive bail none the less. Undeterred Darren hopped back in his boat and suggested we finish the trip with a lap of the ‘loop’ section! That’s the spirit.
After a few boulder gardens and ledges (grade 2+/3) had been completed by the group the final three mile ‘loop’ section began. Whilst Martin and Wilf sorted out cars Simon and Ross headed on down to Newbridge playwave for some attempted “freestyle”. Martin and Wilf then returned only to discover Martin had in fact forgotten his helmet and so decided a woollen beanie would suffice. I would like to make clear at this point that this is not recommended to anybody and Mr Harrall is a very naughty hobbit. The loop was completed very quickly with no problems. This trip which not so long ago seemed like a big paddle for many of us seemed positively dwarfed by its big brother upstream!
On arrival at Waterworks bridge the group realised the daunting ½ mile walk back to the car park. So boats were shouldered and the group took on by far the most challenging part of the entire trip!
Many thanks to Martin Harrall for organisation and leading of this spectacularly exciting and beautiful trip through some of Englands most sequential scenery on one of the best white water trips around! Classic, cheers Hobbit!
We parked next to what was basically a stream, Darren then asked, quite sincerely, “Are they like what the boulder gardens are like.” Looking at the rocks dotting the stream. This was followed by laughter and Martins explanation that the gardens may be slightly bigger than that. Darren subsequently ran off for yet another nervous wee making the tally a total 4 within the space of 15minutes! (Darren adds I drink a lot of water)
The trip started with some grade 2 boulder gardens giving us a nice idea of what was to be expected. After completing the first two rapids Simon asked Martin if the rapids got any harder than that, to which he said, yes they did get quite a bit harder. At this point Simon's bottom lip started to quiver a bit, and I’m sure that the water that he emptied from his boat later on had a sort of yellow shade to it. In fact Simon kept asking Martin "Does it get any harder than that?" or "Are we past the worst bit?" etc. most of the way down. Darren was also often asking Martin what names each of the rapids had; he was most disappointed to learn that they weren't called "ball-cruncher" or "Satan's bottom" and in fact didn't have names at all.
The gardens then picked up to grade 3-4 demanding some technical paddling. These offered some definite pinning opportunities for the unwary but thanks to some expert leading from Martin everyone took these very well with no swims or rolls.
Following the boulder gardens there were a series of ledge drops of ascending difficulty (grade 2 – 3+/4-) known as the “Mad Mile”. These were taken well by most but Ross took his first roll on one of the later drops after ploughing into a hole, hitting the bottom and getting flipped out. Darren also took his first roll on one of the falls, impressively back-looping out of a hole.
Next up was the notorious “Euthanasia falls”, a large grade four shoot though a rocky channel. This put doubt in all the group’s minds causing Darren and Simon to cut their losses and portage. However Martin, having not shot the falls out of all 12 visits to this river eventually decided the time had come to face his demons. Ross also decided not to miss the chute as did Wilf. All three shot the fall successfully as Darren took pictures from above and Simon applauded begrudgingly as he wondered whether the portage was in fact the right idea.
The next major fall was the grade 4 “Surprise-Surprise”/”Pandora’s Box” rapid and fall. After inspection by everyone the narrow slot was deemed to be safe and although it was a tight squeeze Ross, Simon and Wilf made it with no problems. Martin took a dunk at the bottom but barely managed a roll followed by a sculling recovery. Unfortunately this was not caught on film. Mr Harrall has since issued a statement: “If my allegedly poor roll and sculling recovery wasn't caught on film then it couldn't have happened. The fact that you two have chosen to write this down is obviously slander and you will of course be hearing from my lawyers.” We are therefore forced to withdraw and revise our previous statement; “Martin’s roll was in fact flawless and was executed with unmatched precision and prowess.”
Darren however was not so lucky and after missing the line hit a ledge flipping him and sending him down the fall in what looked like a face-grating slide. His paddles were pulled from his hands and a swim at the bottom proceeded. The group rushed over expecting see half his face missing but to everyone’s disappointment the only damage was a small bruise on his thumb! An impressive bail none the less. Undeterred Darren hopped back in his boat and suggested we finish the trip with a lap of the ‘loop’ section! That’s the spirit.
After a few boulder gardens and ledges (grade 2+/3) had been completed by the group the final three mile ‘loop’ section began. Whilst Martin and Wilf sorted out cars Simon and Ross headed on down to Newbridge playwave for some attempted “freestyle”. Martin and Wilf then returned only to discover Martin had in fact forgotten his helmet and so decided a woollen beanie would suffice. I would like to make clear at this point that this is not recommended to anybody and Mr Harrall is a very naughty hobbit. The loop was completed very quickly with no problems. This trip which not so long ago seemed like a big paddle for many of us seemed positively dwarfed by its big brother upstream!
On arrival at Waterworks bridge the group realised the daunting ½ mile walk back to the car park. So boats were shouldered and the group took on by far the most challenging part of the entire trip!
Many thanks to Martin Harrall for organisation and leading of this spectacularly exciting and beautiful trip through some of Englands most sequential scenery on one of the best white water trips around! Classic, cheers Hobbit!
Hill Climbing for the Tywi- Jan 2007
A trip that was possibly only going to be three paddlers turned into five with Mike Hill joining and Michael announcing that he would be coming too that very morning. This meant that five people, five paddles, fives sets of kit, five boats and a fold up bike were crammed into Martins hatchback. We cut the put in short by about a mile as the daunting cycle Martin faced was a little too much. None the less Martin drove down to the get out, unloaded his bike and began the 10km hill climb back to the put in. Whilst away Mike Hill decided to tuck into lunch nice and early whilst Mike Napier decided to try and abseil off a nearby bridge using a throw line, only to find he’d forgotten the right knot (if any knot at all) and consequently fall off the ledge. That was the end of that game! After that Simon got on the water to head down to a small wave we had spotted. Ross and Mike.N joined him in a rather environmentally unfriendly way by seal launching down a 25ft long river bank. Fun though! So the three lads paddled down to the small wave and had a bit of a surf. Mr Harral returned remarkably quickly from his cycle and the trip got underway.
Although this was only a grade 2-3 trip we had to exercise some caution as no one had paddles this stretch before (in our group). The trip started with some small grade 2 rapids which everyone took with no trouble. The first feature was a nice wave/hole/stopper all in one which proved excellent fun. Plenty of photos were taken here.
Once again more small rapids followed but eventually the river flowed into a narrow, deep gorge. This was full of weird swirling eddy-lines which caught just about everyone out at some point. No one was quite sure how deep it was, so naturally Ross and Michael thought they’d find out…. By jumping off a 20ft cliff! Luckily they discovered it was deep enough although by how much we have no idea.
The next feature split into two stoppers with a rock separating them, a small gravel island in the middle of the river offered an excellent place for a rest. The stopper on river right turned out to be perfectly friendly. Whilst everyone was on this Simon thought he’d try out the particularly nasty looking stopper o river left. Luckily he was spat out after a few nervous seconds. Martin decided best not to play, but Ross (stopper probe) Tiley thought it looked like a good plan, so in he went, and out he popped fine. “Pahh” he thought manlily, “that’s not so bad!” so in he went again, only to be quickly corrected by the stopper that it was in fact slightly bad and was subsequently dished out a most thorough spanking. Three rolls later a tired and rather drowned Ross emerged only to check with Michael the whole episode had been caught on film. Luckily Michael was wielding a camera, not a throw line, and his friends were on hand to laugh from a safe distance. That’s OK then!!!
Anyway, they pressed on into yet another gorge, with yet more swirling eddies. The trip finished with a nice grade 2+ rapid. However Just as Mike.H and Martin reached the end they noticed a nasty looking metre high fall into a hole. Too late for Mike, he ploughed through. But Martin signalled for Ross, Simon and Michael. In Simon went next to Martin, then Ross squeezing into the gap in the eddy, and then Michael… turning… missing the eddy… and shooting the fall backwards! Luckily it went OK and he popped up beneath. Next Martin shot and to Simon and Ross’ shock he flipped over and rolled :S now this doesn’t happen very often so Ross and Simon shot with some caution. However both made it fine and so it has been concluded Martin just isn’t as good as them!
After the trip the guys drove up to have a look at Llyn Brianne slipway, a 350 meter long slide out of a reservoir. Unfortunately Martin Harrall is a little too old for this and he decided we weren’t going to do it.
Good trip overall and as usual a great laugh!
Ross Tiley
Although this was only a grade 2-3 trip we had to exercise some caution as no one had paddles this stretch before (in our group). The trip started with some small grade 2 rapids which everyone took with no trouble. The first feature was a nice wave/hole/stopper all in one which proved excellent fun. Plenty of photos were taken here.
Once again more small rapids followed but eventually the river flowed into a narrow, deep gorge. This was full of weird swirling eddy-lines which caught just about everyone out at some point. No one was quite sure how deep it was, so naturally Ross and Michael thought they’d find out…. By jumping off a 20ft cliff! Luckily they discovered it was deep enough although by how much we have no idea.
The next feature split into two stoppers with a rock separating them, a small gravel island in the middle of the river offered an excellent place for a rest. The stopper on river right turned out to be perfectly friendly. Whilst everyone was on this Simon thought he’d try out the particularly nasty looking stopper o river left. Luckily he was spat out after a few nervous seconds. Martin decided best not to play, but Ross (stopper probe) Tiley thought it looked like a good plan, so in he went, and out he popped fine. “Pahh” he thought manlily, “that’s not so bad!” so in he went again, only to be quickly corrected by the stopper that it was in fact slightly bad and was subsequently dished out a most thorough spanking. Three rolls later a tired and rather drowned Ross emerged only to check with Michael the whole episode had been caught on film. Luckily Michael was wielding a camera, not a throw line, and his friends were on hand to laugh from a safe distance. That’s OK then!!!
Anyway, they pressed on into yet another gorge, with yet more swirling eddies. The trip finished with a nice grade 2+ rapid. However Just as Mike.H and Martin reached the end they noticed a nasty looking metre high fall into a hole. Too late for Mike, he ploughed through. But Martin signalled for Ross, Simon and Michael. In Simon went next to Martin, then Ross squeezing into the gap in the eddy, and then Michael… turning… missing the eddy… and shooting the fall backwards! Luckily it went OK and he popped up beneath. Next Martin shot and to Simon and Ross’ shock he flipped over and rolled :S now this doesn’t happen very often so Ross and Simon shot with some caution. However both made it fine and so it has been concluded Martin just isn’t as good as them!
After the trip the guys drove up to have a look at Llyn Brianne slipway, a 350 meter long slide out of a reservoir. Unfortunately Martin Harrall is a little too old for this and he decided we weren’t going to do it.
Good trip overall and as usual a great laugh!
Ross Tiley
Lacock Blues- Jan 2007
It had rained. It rained a lot! "Where shall we paddle? Explore the Upper-Avon maybe?" says Martin. Darren says we can't because we won’t fit under all the low bridges. "How about Lacock?" he suggests. "Oh OK" answers Martin, full of enthusiasm. Darren picks up Ross and Simon from Chippenham and we meet at the national trust car-park bright and early. Changing and leaving Martin's car at the get out, we head up to Reybridge in Darren's car and hit the water.
There is mist rising of the water and the cold bites our fingers. It's an eerie scene as four paddlers head upstream towards Reybridge weir. Its hard work against the fast flowing current, and it takes a good ten minutes to get there. As we pass Ray Mill we see that at least 90% of the available water is being fed through the owner's new hydro-electric generator and its neighbouring sluice gates. This is unfortunate because the weir itself needs a fair bit of water in order to make a useful play-spot. The four paddlers head on up to the weir, easily paddling against the now minuscule amount of water coming down the weir-steam. Around the corner and we see the weir for the first time, its completely dry. What's more the mill owner has had a small concrete wall built on top of the weir in order to send even more water down towards his hydro-electric apparatus. There is quite a lot of water coming over the weir's sluice gate and there is a decent looking stopper in there which would no doubt provide some entertainment if it weren't for the huge rusty metal post sticking out of the water immediately below it. Disgusted we head back down to the bridge and amuse ourselves there for 5 minutes in the eddies below the arch pillars, before heading further downstream to a small weir at the mouth of a little brook.
The brook weir is quickly deemed boring too and again we head off downstream. There is a small step at the abbey, as we head down towards it Darren is talking about a weir. Simon and Ross get quite excited about the prospect. When we get to the abbey there is the tiniest of ripples on the surface of the water. "Where's this weir?" says Simon, "Er, this is it.....OK so I exaggerated a bit" says Darren. Nevertheless, this spot turns out to be the highlight of the trip. Ross manages some cartwheels, Darren and Martin are eventually persuaded to do something requiring a roll, and Simon manages to get each end of his boat just barely out of the water. "Was that anywhere near vertical" he says, "About 30 degrees to horizontal" is the reply. Eventually, with a few tips from the rest of us, Simon manages to stand his boat on its nose and even has to roll a couple of times.
Bored and cold Martin gets out early and goes back to the car to get changed. Darren, Ross and Simon continue down to Lacock bridge to play in the fast flow there. Eventually they return to the car and by now Martin is changed, warm and vowing never to paddle Lacock again. Like Langham farm on the Frome, Reybridge weir has been ruined by a mini hydro-electric scheme. The wall on top of the weir spoils a once excellent local play-spot perfect for introducing beginners to basic stopper skills. This sucks donkeys!!!
Hobbit
There is mist rising of the water and the cold bites our fingers. It's an eerie scene as four paddlers head upstream towards Reybridge weir. Its hard work against the fast flowing current, and it takes a good ten minutes to get there. As we pass Ray Mill we see that at least 90% of the available water is being fed through the owner's new hydro-electric generator and its neighbouring sluice gates. This is unfortunate because the weir itself needs a fair bit of water in order to make a useful play-spot. The four paddlers head on up to the weir, easily paddling against the now minuscule amount of water coming down the weir-steam. Around the corner and we see the weir for the first time, its completely dry. What's more the mill owner has had a small concrete wall built on top of the weir in order to send even more water down towards his hydro-electric apparatus. There is quite a lot of water coming over the weir's sluice gate and there is a decent looking stopper in there which would no doubt provide some entertainment if it weren't for the huge rusty metal post sticking out of the water immediately below it. Disgusted we head back down to the bridge and amuse ourselves there for 5 minutes in the eddies below the arch pillars, before heading further downstream to a small weir at the mouth of a little brook.
The brook weir is quickly deemed boring too and again we head off downstream. There is a small step at the abbey, as we head down towards it Darren is talking about a weir. Simon and Ross get quite excited about the prospect. When we get to the abbey there is the tiniest of ripples on the surface of the water. "Where's this weir?" says Simon, "Er, this is it.....OK so I exaggerated a bit" says Darren. Nevertheless, this spot turns out to be the highlight of the trip. Ross manages some cartwheels, Darren and Martin are eventually persuaded to do something requiring a roll, and Simon manages to get each end of his boat just barely out of the water. "Was that anywhere near vertical" he says, "About 30 degrees to horizontal" is the reply. Eventually, with a few tips from the rest of us, Simon manages to stand his boat on its nose and even has to roll a couple of times.
Bored and cold Martin gets out early and goes back to the car to get changed. Darren, Ross and Simon continue down to Lacock bridge to play in the fast flow there. Eventually they return to the car and by now Martin is changed, warm and vowing never to paddle Lacock again. Like Langham farm on the Frome, Reybridge weir has been ruined by a mini hydro-electric scheme. The wall on top of the weir spoils a once excellent local play-spot perfect for introducing beginners to basic stopper skills. This sucks donkeys!!!
Hobbit
Tawe- Jan 2007
So, a bright morning, and Myself (Simon), Martin (the hobbit) Harrall, Ross (the stopper probe) Tiley, Michael (baaaa) Napier, Martin Croucher (the man behind the media) and Soaking Steve thought we would see in the new year with a Paddle of the River Tawe, in south Wales. This trip marked somewhat a milestone for most of the group, as Simon, Ross, and Michael witnessed their first grade 4, and Steve returned to the waterways of Britain after a year with his feet up. Martin and Martin were quietly confident, both having ran the river before in all sorts of conditions, and so were on hand to answer the nervous questions from the group. These consisted of “So, are we all going to die” and, “Can we go home now? I miss my Mummy”. Martin Harrall, ever the encouraging leader, responded ‘yes’ and ‘no’ respectively to these questions, and so it was with white knuckles that the younger members of the group gripped their paddles as they launched into the river at the get in near the pub car park.
As Martins (plural) ran the shuttle, Ross, Simon, Michael and Steve hopped in onto a small section of weirs, and began to ‘play’ in the friendly stopper at the top. Though shallow, a nice deep slot allowed them to sink their bows nicely into the water. When Martin and Martin arrived, they hopped into the water, but decided playing on the stopper was not such a good idea at all, as a friendly local informed us that under the water were metal stakes, the remainder of an old railway line. Damned silly place to build a river if you ask me, government planning these days.. I don’t know. Anyhow, the group assembled and began the descent right away. The river continued in a similar fashion as described above. Drop, break out, Play, repeat. This was rather fun, and the group were lulled into an (albeit false) sense of security.
Just as the group managed to build its confidence up, a sharp horizon line appeared on…. Well the horizon, causing Martin H to hop out of his boat to inspect. Inspection revealed that the drop was after all safe, and naturally, Ross was the first to paddle over the brink. Having seen that all was safe, Simon followed, with the rest of the group in tail. Once satisfied that their feet were not broken (the bottom met the paddler with a lovely array of rocks on which to break his feet), the group continued downstream.
The next notable feature was a nice reminder to the group of what grade 3 felt like, as the river dodged round a small corner, and under a bridge. The upper section of this rapid offered an enticing play wave and stopper, once again probed (as is everything) by Ross Tiley. Deemed safe, the stopper and wave were enjoyed by all, before the group paddled down and under the bridge. This all went very smoothly, until the rock wall on river left shortly before the bridge wrenched Simon’s paddle from his grasp, and he was forced to descend (rather skillfully, even If I say so myself) the rest of the rapid empty-handed. Once at the bottom, he succeeded in breaking out, and Ross returned his paddles to him.
A few more grade 2 and 3 rapids led the group around a corner, beyond which stood an altogether more intimidating horizon line. As Martin ordered the break out, it was told to the group, that this was ‘Pen-y-Cae falls, easy-ish grade 4’. As Simon and Ross stood apon a rock overlooking the torrent of crashing water, what they heard was ‘Pen-Y-Cae falls, grade 6+, see you in the next life’. However, once the paddlers had time to adjust themselves, and come to terms with their inevitable mortality and impending doom, they saddled up, and one by one began to disappear over the edge. Martin Harrall went first, and expertly picked out a smooth, albeit scrapey line, and emerged smiling at the bottom. Ross was next, followed by Simon, Michael, and finally Steve. The success rate of the group varied, gradually become more and more catastrophic through the group. Martin shot the fall with ease, Ross and Simon paddled through with the odd recovery stroke here and there, before breaking out halfway down the grade 3 rapid following the fall. Michael however, managed to hit the small cliff face at the bottom of the fall, which flipped him. However, Mike managed superbly to roll back up and join the others in the relieved atmosphere of the breakout below. Then it was Steve’s turn. His line was similar to that of Michael’s, and was flipped in an almost exactly similar fashion. His roll however worked the exact opposite way to Michaels, that is to say; it didn’t. As he came round the corner he was greeted by the sound of jeering from his fellow paddlers, and several knocks on the shin as he floated down the rocky rapids, before finally beaching himself, rather awkwardly, on the other side of the river. Martin Croucher followed, having taken some brilliant pictures of the rest of the group.
As I’m sure you know by now, Martin Harrall is a Hobbit. And, reminiscent of his days in ‘The Shire’ he hopped gracefully across the river to retrieve a shivering soaking Steve, and his kit, which had naturally scattered itself over a large area. After a brief period of recuperation, Steve was placed back into his boat, and the group continued. More of the same followed. Big rolly wave trains, on which Ross and Simon threw their weight around in a less than graceful manner in attempts to score some ‘big air’. In fairness, this worked reasonably well, and as the group descended down the gorge, they were splashed and deafened by their not-so-smooth landings.
After half an hour of this, Martin at the head of the group went for another break out. This was because the river apparently disappeared, and was replaced by a large cliff face. This was not actually the case. They had arrived at a waterfall, at which the river chicaned right, and fell an estimated 10 feet (probably grade 4). Now, 10 feet is not a huge distance, but when you are scared, or as short as Mr Harrall, it seems a hell of a lot further.
Once again, our resident hobbit picked his way along the lip of the waterfall on foot to inspect. Thankfully, as it happened, the waterfall was safe no matter where it was shot. It appeared, dare I say it, nothing could go wrong. For Martins part this was true, he found a nice line, and shot expertly, only briefly disappearing underwater, before popping out again, smiling. At this point, something very rare happened. Martin Harrall displayed… ‘Emotion’. His merry laughter filled the valley and all creatures were united in harmonious joy. Ok, so it wasn’t that good, but he did laugh, and say “you have GOT to try that”. So we did, and this is what happened.
Ross was next up, and shot the fall with a nice line, plenty of water, and landed at the bottom, appearing on the surface after a short dunking. Steve followed, stylishly shooting the fall on edge, which turned him nicely ‘parallel-park’ style into the eddy. Then it was Michaels turn, who after Martin probably ran the best line, his I3 carrying him peacefully into the eddy below the fall. As Simon got into his boat, he saw Michael disappear over the edge, and set off into the flow with fear in this heart, and something a little less pure in his boat. Very nervous, he focused on the wise words of Martin Harrall. “Just shoot it far left, then you won’t get pinned in the slot” ran through his head with the mysterious echo like you get in the movies. You know, like when Rocky is getting pummeled to the floor and he remembers some inspiring words from his trainer, and he gets up. That sort of thing. Anyway, he maneuvered his boat far left, only to become stuck on a rock. After 30 seconds of awkward embarrassing wiggling (caught on camera, of course), he freed himself, only to become momentarily stuck on the edge. He was caused to knife drop into the water, totally disappearing, before popping up upside down. Thankfully, he was able to roll, which he was proud of since he was tired, the water was more air than anything else, and his deck had come off. All the same, he resurfaced smiling, and paddled into the eddy to empty his boat. Just as he was being congratulated by his peers on having the ‘roll of the day’, Martin Croucher bombed round the corner, through the central slot, and landed upside down, and was dragged under the waterfall which was rumored to be undercut. However, he too rolled back up, causing the water to push him out of the fall and into the eddy. All credit the Martin for this, and for the excellent photography he conducted from apon a rock above the fall.
After the fall, lunch, and a bit of messing around paddling behind the waterfall (we all did, because Martin told us it was ‘cool’. Actually, it wasn’t that great, but we all had fun sticking out hands through the curtain of water and generally getting wet), we headed downstream through a gorge full of fun wave trains and stoppers. Ross, Simon, and Michael all had a go at leading the group down the river, and for them at least, nothing went too spectacularly wrong. Meanwhile, just as Steve has assured himself in his mind that his swim was due to back luck, he was flipped on a big, rolly wave train, and swam again. This swim was rather scarier than the previous one, and Steve emerged coughing and spluttering some 50 yards downstream of where he popped his deck. Simon and Martin guided him and his boat to the shore, where he got to his feet, only to stumble over saying ‘ouch my ankle’. Mr Harrall took a look, and rather expertly diagnosed that he had in fact, hurt his ankle. For this he prescribed a piece of Mars bar, the power of which enabled Steve to return to his boat, with his ankle, and his confidence, slightly battered. The last feature before the get-out was a 6 foot sloping stepped weir, with a gnarly looking stopper at the bottom. All shot this, but weren’t up for the play, as even the stopper probe himself deemed it too big for his liking.
Following the weir, the group enjoyed a short grade 1-2 section down to the end of the trip, where they were met with a muddy scramble, where climbing equipment would perhaps have been more appropriate, rather than boats and paddles. However, they made it to the top, with nobody falling to their doom, where everyone agreed that it had been a fantastic trip, the best all season. Even Martin Harrall said it was the best trip he had been on in years, a testament to the river, and to the atmosphere created by such a motley crew of paddlers. (Especially seeing as this was up against the Mighty Morphin Marden paddled just two weeks prior!)
Simon Roberts
As Martins (plural) ran the shuttle, Ross, Simon, Michael and Steve hopped in onto a small section of weirs, and began to ‘play’ in the friendly stopper at the top. Though shallow, a nice deep slot allowed them to sink their bows nicely into the water. When Martin and Martin arrived, they hopped into the water, but decided playing on the stopper was not such a good idea at all, as a friendly local informed us that under the water were metal stakes, the remainder of an old railway line. Damned silly place to build a river if you ask me, government planning these days.. I don’t know. Anyhow, the group assembled and began the descent right away. The river continued in a similar fashion as described above. Drop, break out, Play, repeat. This was rather fun, and the group were lulled into an (albeit false) sense of security.
Just as the group managed to build its confidence up, a sharp horizon line appeared on…. Well the horizon, causing Martin H to hop out of his boat to inspect. Inspection revealed that the drop was after all safe, and naturally, Ross was the first to paddle over the brink. Having seen that all was safe, Simon followed, with the rest of the group in tail. Once satisfied that their feet were not broken (the bottom met the paddler with a lovely array of rocks on which to break his feet), the group continued downstream.
The next notable feature was a nice reminder to the group of what grade 3 felt like, as the river dodged round a small corner, and under a bridge. The upper section of this rapid offered an enticing play wave and stopper, once again probed (as is everything) by Ross Tiley. Deemed safe, the stopper and wave were enjoyed by all, before the group paddled down and under the bridge. This all went very smoothly, until the rock wall on river left shortly before the bridge wrenched Simon’s paddle from his grasp, and he was forced to descend (rather skillfully, even If I say so myself) the rest of the rapid empty-handed. Once at the bottom, he succeeded in breaking out, and Ross returned his paddles to him.
A few more grade 2 and 3 rapids led the group around a corner, beyond which stood an altogether more intimidating horizon line. As Martin ordered the break out, it was told to the group, that this was ‘Pen-y-Cae falls, easy-ish grade 4’. As Simon and Ross stood apon a rock overlooking the torrent of crashing water, what they heard was ‘Pen-Y-Cae falls, grade 6+, see you in the next life’. However, once the paddlers had time to adjust themselves, and come to terms with their inevitable mortality and impending doom, they saddled up, and one by one began to disappear over the edge. Martin Harrall went first, and expertly picked out a smooth, albeit scrapey line, and emerged smiling at the bottom. Ross was next, followed by Simon, Michael, and finally Steve. The success rate of the group varied, gradually become more and more catastrophic through the group. Martin shot the fall with ease, Ross and Simon paddled through with the odd recovery stroke here and there, before breaking out halfway down the grade 3 rapid following the fall. Michael however, managed to hit the small cliff face at the bottom of the fall, which flipped him. However, Mike managed superbly to roll back up and join the others in the relieved atmosphere of the breakout below. Then it was Steve’s turn. His line was similar to that of Michael’s, and was flipped in an almost exactly similar fashion. His roll however worked the exact opposite way to Michaels, that is to say; it didn’t. As he came round the corner he was greeted by the sound of jeering from his fellow paddlers, and several knocks on the shin as he floated down the rocky rapids, before finally beaching himself, rather awkwardly, on the other side of the river. Martin Croucher followed, having taken some brilliant pictures of the rest of the group.
As I’m sure you know by now, Martin Harrall is a Hobbit. And, reminiscent of his days in ‘The Shire’ he hopped gracefully across the river to retrieve a shivering soaking Steve, and his kit, which had naturally scattered itself over a large area. After a brief period of recuperation, Steve was placed back into his boat, and the group continued. More of the same followed. Big rolly wave trains, on which Ross and Simon threw their weight around in a less than graceful manner in attempts to score some ‘big air’. In fairness, this worked reasonably well, and as the group descended down the gorge, they were splashed and deafened by their not-so-smooth landings.
After half an hour of this, Martin at the head of the group went for another break out. This was because the river apparently disappeared, and was replaced by a large cliff face. This was not actually the case. They had arrived at a waterfall, at which the river chicaned right, and fell an estimated 10 feet (probably grade 4). Now, 10 feet is not a huge distance, but when you are scared, or as short as Mr Harrall, it seems a hell of a lot further.
Once again, our resident hobbit picked his way along the lip of the waterfall on foot to inspect. Thankfully, as it happened, the waterfall was safe no matter where it was shot. It appeared, dare I say it, nothing could go wrong. For Martins part this was true, he found a nice line, and shot expertly, only briefly disappearing underwater, before popping out again, smiling. At this point, something very rare happened. Martin Harrall displayed… ‘Emotion’. His merry laughter filled the valley and all creatures were united in harmonious joy. Ok, so it wasn’t that good, but he did laugh, and say “you have GOT to try that”. So we did, and this is what happened.
Ross was next up, and shot the fall with a nice line, plenty of water, and landed at the bottom, appearing on the surface after a short dunking. Steve followed, stylishly shooting the fall on edge, which turned him nicely ‘parallel-park’ style into the eddy. Then it was Michaels turn, who after Martin probably ran the best line, his I3 carrying him peacefully into the eddy below the fall. As Simon got into his boat, he saw Michael disappear over the edge, and set off into the flow with fear in this heart, and something a little less pure in his boat. Very nervous, he focused on the wise words of Martin Harrall. “Just shoot it far left, then you won’t get pinned in the slot” ran through his head with the mysterious echo like you get in the movies. You know, like when Rocky is getting pummeled to the floor and he remembers some inspiring words from his trainer, and he gets up. That sort of thing. Anyway, he maneuvered his boat far left, only to become stuck on a rock. After 30 seconds of awkward embarrassing wiggling (caught on camera, of course), he freed himself, only to become momentarily stuck on the edge. He was caused to knife drop into the water, totally disappearing, before popping up upside down. Thankfully, he was able to roll, which he was proud of since he was tired, the water was more air than anything else, and his deck had come off. All the same, he resurfaced smiling, and paddled into the eddy to empty his boat. Just as he was being congratulated by his peers on having the ‘roll of the day’, Martin Croucher bombed round the corner, through the central slot, and landed upside down, and was dragged under the waterfall which was rumored to be undercut. However, he too rolled back up, causing the water to push him out of the fall and into the eddy. All credit the Martin for this, and for the excellent photography he conducted from apon a rock above the fall.
After the fall, lunch, and a bit of messing around paddling behind the waterfall (we all did, because Martin told us it was ‘cool’. Actually, it wasn’t that great, but we all had fun sticking out hands through the curtain of water and generally getting wet), we headed downstream through a gorge full of fun wave trains and stoppers. Ross, Simon, and Michael all had a go at leading the group down the river, and for them at least, nothing went too spectacularly wrong. Meanwhile, just as Steve has assured himself in his mind that his swim was due to back luck, he was flipped on a big, rolly wave train, and swam again. This swim was rather scarier than the previous one, and Steve emerged coughing and spluttering some 50 yards downstream of where he popped his deck. Simon and Martin guided him and his boat to the shore, where he got to his feet, only to stumble over saying ‘ouch my ankle’. Mr Harrall took a look, and rather expertly diagnosed that he had in fact, hurt his ankle. For this he prescribed a piece of Mars bar, the power of which enabled Steve to return to his boat, with his ankle, and his confidence, slightly battered. The last feature before the get-out was a 6 foot sloping stepped weir, with a gnarly looking stopper at the bottom. All shot this, but weren’t up for the play, as even the stopper probe himself deemed it too big for his liking.
Following the weir, the group enjoyed a short grade 1-2 section down to the end of the trip, where they were met with a muddy scramble, where climbing equipment would perhaps have been more appropriate, rather than boats and paddles. However, they made it to the top, with nobody falling to their doom, where everyone agreed that it had been a fantastic trip, the best all season. Even Martin Harrall said it was the best trip he had been on in years, a testament to the river, and to the atmosphere created by such a motley crew of paddlers. (Especially seeing as this was up against the Mighty Morphin Marden paddled just two weeks prior!)
Simon Roberts
Barle- Dec 2006
A dim gloom descended across the land as if the sun was slowing dieing. The hobbit sniffed the air and scowled. He could smell men ahead of him further down the hill. Warily he continued on down the road past gnarly trees becoming leafless and barren by the onset of winter. As he neared the bottom of the hill, voices became audible to his sensitive ears. He could hear laughing and much swearing. Fearing goblins and orcs he approached even more slowly. Carefully he peered around the corner at the bottom of the hill and surveyed the scene. Then to his great relief he could see that it was just the bunch of muppets from Chippenham that he’d travelled there with earlier that morning, tooling around as usual. “Martin” they called “you took your time”. “Yeah, had to drive slowly up that hill, I couldn’t see over the steering wheel”.
The hobbit’s over active imagination subsided and he became Martin again as the gang prepared to paddle the Barle. Ross, Simon and Mike N were already on the water. Mike H and the two young lads were getting on, and Charlie and Ian had waited for Martin to return from parking the car. Martin donned the rest of his kit and helped Charlie bung up a hole in his boat left by a missing screw before entering the water himself.
Away we went, the younger paddlers impatiently bombing off down the river while the older Mike H, Martin and Ian all took there time enjoying the many eddies and grade 2 ledges in the first half mile of the river. The water wasn’t as high as had been expected despite the recent heavy rain. The Barle rises and falls quite quickly, and 3 or 4 dry days of dry weather is enough for it to become low again. The group continued quite quickly through more grade 2 rapids, the two young Melksham lads seemed intent on getting down the river very quickly. The rest of us tried to find play-spots wherever we could, but they were few and far between. There was the occasional interesting bouldery rapid or small wave but for the most part there was little to do but drift onwards enjoying the scenery. Here and there knarly looking trees threatened to pluck the unsuspecting paddler from the water with overhanging branches. The hobbit personality began to come to the fore again. Did that tree just move? Of course it did you plonker it’s windy! “Oh yeah, didn’t think of that, thought it might have been an Ent”, the hobbit subsided again and Martin returned.
We took a break at a spot with a ledge river left which provided a little stopper fun. Another group had also decided to stop there and we took it in turns to play the stopper. Ross managed to blag a set of poggies off a lady paddler from the other group and he took them for a test ride. The weather was quite cold, so they were a good idea. I think he was sold on them, vowing to buy a set when he got home.
After lunch we moved on. More grade 2 rapids took us down to the weir at Dulverton. The normal route these days is to find the sloping bit in the centre of the weir and most of us took that route. Ian hadn’t paddled the Barle for a good many years though, and last time he did it there was a route down the right hand side. Not now though, the weir collapsed on that side a few years back and was now just a rocky mess. Ian figured he’d give it a go in the spot that he knew anyway but unfortunately he got pinned solid. Determined not to get out of his boat he threw his body about trying to dislodge himself but there was no way he was going to get out of that one. Eventually he accepted the inevitable and popped his deck and climbed out. He dragged his boat down the weir, got back in and paddled down to join the rest of us looking slightly embarrassed.
We were nearing the end now, only the narrow little section just before the get out left to go. The group played in one of the steps in this section and Martin told Mike N to stick the nose of his boat in the overflow from the step. This he did and was promptly flipped. For some reason Michael didn’t turn completely up-side-down, his buoyancy aid seemed to hold him only partially capsized. This would have been helpful to him if he’d chosen to roll on the side that he’d fallen in unfortunately he chose the other side. Finding it impossible to surface his paddle properly he failed to roll and took a swim. “Unlucky Mike! You nearly made it to the end dry, don’t listen to Martin next time eh!”
And so another Barle trip came to an end. Not the most exciting of rivers but still beautiful in all it’s middle earth like glory.
Martin Harrall
The hobbit’s over active imagination subsided and he became Martin again as the gang prepared to paddle the Barle. Ross, Simon and Mike N were already on the water. Mike H and the two young lads were getting on, and Charlie and Ian had waited for Martin to return from parking the car. Martin donned the rest of his kit and helped Charlie bung up a hole in his boat left by a missing screw before entering the water himself.
Away we went, the younger paddlers impatiently bombing off down the river while the older Mike H, Martin and Ian all took there time enjoying the many eddies and grade 2 ledges in the first half mile of the river. The water wasn’t as high as had been expected despite the recent heavy rain. The Barle rises and falls quite quickly, and 3 or 4 dry days of dry weather is enough for it to become low again. The group continued quite quickly through more grade 2 rapids, the two young Melksham lads seemed intent on getting down the river very quickly. The rest of us tried to find play-spots wherever we could, but they were few and far between. There was the occasional interesting bouldery rapid or small wave but for the most part there was little to do but drift onwards enjoying the scenery. Here and there knarly looking trees threatened to pluck the unsuspecting paddler from the water with overhanging branches. The hobbit personality began to come to the fore again. Did that tree just move? Of course it did you plonker it’s windy! “Oh yeah, didn’t think of that, thought it might have been an Ent”, the hobbit subsided again and Martin returned.
We took a break at a spot with a ledge river left which provided a little stopper fun. Another group had also decided to stop there and we took it in turns to play the stopper. Ross managed to blag a set of poggies off a lady paddler from the other group and he took them for a test ride. The weather was quite cold, so they were a good idea. I think he was sold on them, vowing to buy a set when he got home.
After lunch we moved on. More grade 2 rapids took us down to the weir at Dulverton. The normal route these days is to find the sloping bit in the centre of the weir and most of us took that route. Ian hadn’t paddled the Barle for a good many years though, and last time he did it there was a route down the right hand side. Not now though, the weir collapsed on that side a few years back and was now just a rocky mess. Ian figured he’d give it a go in the spot that he knew anyway but unfortunately he got pinned solid. Determined not to get out of his boat he threw his body about trying to dislodge himself but there was no way he was going to get out of that one. Eventually he accepted the inevitable and popped his deck and climbed out. He dragged his boat down the weir, got back in and paddled down to join the rest of us looking slightly embarrassed.
We were nearing the end now, only the narrow little section just before the get out left to go. The group played in one of the steps in this section and Martin told Mike N to stick the nose of his boat in the overflow from the step. This he did and was promptly flipped. For some reason Michael didn’t turn completely up-side-down, his buoyancy aid seemed to hold him only partially capsized. This would have been helpful to him if he’d chosen to roll on the side that he’d fallen in unfortunately he chose the other side. Finding it impossible to surface his paddle properly he failed to roll and took a swim. “Unlucky Mike! You nearly made it to the end dry, don’t listen to Martin next time eh!”
And so another Barle trip came to an end. Not the most exciting of rivers but still beautiful in all it’s middle earth like glory.
Martin Harrall
No Cheese On The Marden!
The usual paddling posse assembled at the club for the proposed descent of Wiltshire’s most extreme whitewater river – The Marden (speak its name with reverence for it is mighty indeed). The paddling posse consists of: Hobbit-Martin; Kit-monster-Darren; Queen-pin-Simon; and Goldylocks-Ross. We were joined by another Martin from Wiltshire Youth CC and his young son Craig, and by Michael, a once normal club member who was by now becoming a bit woolly on account of him living quite close to rather a lot of sheep.
Eventually after the obligatory cocking about, the group left the club and drove up to the get in at Calne. On arrival we were greeted by a friendly environmental official who suggested that it might be best not to get on the river as there had been an oil spillage upstream of the section that we were paddling. We are however very dedicated and also completely hard so we got on anyway and seal launched into the water.
The group drifted off into the distance rather like that scene from the lord of the rings where ‘The fellowship of the ring’ are paddling towards two huge statues of kings of men set upon two opposing cliffs. Except that there aren’t any statues in Calne, or for that matter any cliffs, and of course we were in modern plastic kayaks rather than open canadian boats hewn from tree trunks. Okay, okay, so it wasn’t a bit like ‘The lord of the rings’ but we drifted off around the corner all the same. I’m sure you get the general idea. Not far from the get-in the river passes under the road via a rectangular section tunnel with a bend in the middle. Being grown up and sensible paddlers we made stupid whooping noises because it made cool echoey sounds, and also tried to convince Craig, the youngest member of the group, that there were man eating spiders clinging to the ceiling of the tunnel. Craig, who must be about seven or eight rolled his eyes into the back of head and was no doubt wondering why grown ups always act like they are five.
On our way out of the town we passed a small weir which was played in for a few minutes, and then a few bits of grade 1 water until we eventually reached an impassable tree blockage. Getting out on river left seemed like the most sensible approach because there were far less stinging nettles, so of course we got out on river right knowing that Darren wasn’t wearing anything on his feet. The blockage was portaged and some of us got back in our boats and paddled off only to find another blockage just around the bend. Imagine now if you will, a scene from Predator where Arni is hacking his way through the jungle with a machete and has animal poo smeared all over his face. Well this was just like that except we were using paddles instead of machetes, the animal poo bit was exactly the same though. We stubbornly bashed and hacked through the tree rather than suffer the embarrassment of having to get out of our boats again, whilst the few who had remained on the bank simply walked around the blockage. Somehow we managed to get through and emerged the other side covered in leaves and rotting reed remains. The trip continued unabated, although there were many more low trees all along the length of the river which we also had to hack our way through.
In the distance there was a roaring noise. Gradually the roaring became louder. In front of us was a long sloping weir with a stopper/wave at the bottom. We all shot it without any drama. As soon as everyone was through the weir, Ross ploughed on into the stopper with little thought about whether it was dodgy or not. Luckily at this level the stopper was safe and friendly and he was easily able to find an exit. This gung-ho attitude has become a feature of Ross’ paddling. One day I’m sure he’ll get a proper spanking but until that day he continues to be the stopper probe. Most of the group had a play in the excellent stopper and then we moved on after a few minutes.
Just before passing under the A4 road bridge we came to some low branches hanging over fast flowing water. Martin was up front and called out “low trees!” to warn the following paddlers? Simon turned to Michael and asked “Why did Martin just say ‘No cheese!’?” as they both crashed through the overhanging branches. From that moment on the warning call for low trees has become “No cheese!”, so if you ever meet us on the river and you hear the warning shout, we prefer dairy-lea and baby-bell OK?
The relentless excitement of the relentless Marden continued relentlessly with a small drop where the old Wiltshire coal canal intersects it, and then a dodgy fall where a bridge has collapsed into the river leaving artificial rocks consisting of cemented together brickwork. The over hanging brambles didn’t help either. Calls of “No cheese!” continuously echoed through the valley as we steadily made our way through the Wiltshire countryside.
After a portage at a mill we continued on to Stanley Bridge and the small weir that sits directly beneath it. In less time that it takes to say “Er, that’s not a good idea Michael” Michael was into the stopper for a play. To begin with he looked like he was in control, but after a few seconds it was apparent that he couldn’t exit the stopper and the inevitable swim ensued. As the cold water seeped through his clothing and found it’s way to his skin, he grunted manfully in exactly the same way that a four year old little girl does when playing in the cold surf at the beach. We rescued him, dried his tears and carried on down the river.
The rest of the trip passed uneventfully as we shot the zoom-flume, the little waterfall and then eventually spilled out into the Avon. From there it was a short paddle from there back to the club. Realising that Michael’s swim may have caused him some embarrassment, we let it lie and didn’t mention it all the way back…..NOT!
All in all an amusing trip, more down to the banter and general cocking about than the impressive river features though. Oh how I wish we lived next to the upper Dart!
Martin Harrall
Eventually after the obligatory cocking about, the group left the club and drove up to the get in at Calne. On arrival we were greeted by a friendly environmental official who suggested that it might be best not to get on the river as there had been an oil spillage upstream of the section that we were paddling. We are however very dedicated and also completely hard so we got on anyway and seal launched into the water.
The group drifted off into the distance rather like that scene from the lord of the rings where ‘The fellowship of the ring’ are paddling towards two huge statues of kings of men set upon two opposing cliffs. Except that there aren’t any statues in Calne, or for that matter any cliffs, and of course we were in modern plastic kayaks rather than open canadian boats hewn from tree trunks. Okay, okay, so it wasn’t a bit like ‘The lord of the rings’ but we drifted off around the corner all the same. I’m sure you get the general idea. Not far from the get-in the river passes under the road via a rectangular section tunnel with a bend in the middle. Being grown up and sensible paddlers we made stupid whooping noises because it made cool echoey sounds, and also tried to convince Craig, the youngest member of the group, that there were man eating spiders clinging to the ceiling of the tunnel. Craig, who must be about seven or eight rolled his eyes into the back of head and was no doubt wondering why grown ups always act like they are five.
On our way out of the town we passed a small weir which was played in for a few minutes, and then a few bits of grade 1 water until we eventually reached an impassable tree blockage. Getting out on river left seemed like the most sensible approach because there were far less stinging nettles, so of course we got out on river right knowing that Darren wasn’t wearing anything on his feet. The blockage was portaged and some of us got back in our boats and paddled off only to find another blockage just around the bend. Imagine now if you will, a scene from Predator where Arni is hacking his way through the jungle with a machete and has animal poo smeared all over his face. Well this was just like that except we were using paddles instead of machetes, the animal poo bit was exactly the same though. We stubbornly bashed and hacked through the tree rather than suffer the embarrassment of having to get out of our boats again, whilst the few who had remained on the bank simply walked around the blockage. Somehow we managed to get through and emerged the other side covered in leaves and rotting reed remains. The trip continued unabated, although there were many more low trees all along the length of the river which we also had to hack our way through.
In the distance there was a roaring noise. Gradually the roaring became louder. In front of us was a long sloping weir with a stopper/wave at the bottom. We all shot it without any drama. As soon as everyone was through the weir, Ross ploughed on into the stopper with little thought about whether it was dodgy or not. Luckily at this level the stopper was safe and friendly and he was easily able to find an exit. This gung-ho attitude has become a feature of Ross’ paddling. One day I’m sure he’ll get a proper spanking but until that day he continues to be the stopper probe. Most of the group had a play in the excellent stopper and then we moved on after a few minutes.
Just before passing under the A4 road bridge we came to some low branches hanging over fast flowing water. Martin was up front and called out “low trees!” to warn the following paddlers? Simon turned to Michael and asked “Why did Martin just say ‘No cheese!’?” as they both crashed through the overhanging branches. From that moment on the warning call for low trees has become “No cheese!”, so if you ever meet us on the river and you hear the warning shout, we prefer dairy-lea and baby-bell OK?
The relentless excitement of the relentless Marden continued relentlessly with a small drop where the old Wiltshire coal canal intersects it, and then a dodgy fall where a bridge has collapsed into the river leaving artificial rocks consisting of cemented together brickwork. The over hanging brambles didn’t help either. Calls of “No cheese!” continuously echoed through the valley as we steadily made our way through the Wiltshire countryside.
After a portage at a mill we continued on to Stanley Bridge and the small weir that sits directly beneath it. In less time that it takes to say “Er, that’s not a good idea Michael” Michael was into the stopper for a play. To begin with he looked like he was in control, but after a few seconds it was apparent that he couldn’t exit the stopper and the inevitable swim ensued. As the cold water seeped through his clothing and found it’s way to his skin, he grunted manfully in exactly the same way that a four year old little girl does when playing in the cold surf at the beach. We rescued him, dried his tears and carried on down the river.
The rest of the trip passed uneventfully as we shot the zoom-flume, the little waterfall and then eventually spilled out into the Avon. From there it was a short paddle from there back to the club. Realising that Michael’s swim may have caused him some embarrassment, we let it lie and didn’t mention it all the way back…..NOT!
All in all an amusing trip, more down to the banter and general cocking about than the impressive river features though. Oh how I wish we lived next to the upper Dart!
Martin Harrall
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